Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
