did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
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