just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
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