your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
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