How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
Randomize
