please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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