Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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