I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
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