I'd wear matching sweaters with you
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Randomize
