I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
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