My hair reeks of homosexuality.
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
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