You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Randomize
