if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
Randomize
