It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
I got inside last night via doggy door
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Randomize
