I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
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