It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
Randomize
