I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Randomize
