yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
