Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
