Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
