Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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