so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
my soul wont recognize me after tonight
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
Randomize
