i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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