you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
