Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
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