just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
