I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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