my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Randomize
