Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
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