I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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