nut hugger
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize