508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
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