Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Randomize
