it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
