he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
