You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
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