U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
tonight lets celebrate not being married
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
