Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Randomize
