$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
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