They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
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