My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
Randomize
