Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
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