Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
