There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize