I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
