I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
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