After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
