So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
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