I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
