I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
