i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
