operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Randomize
