You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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