I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
Me too!
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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