So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
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