erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize
