she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
he fucked my hip out of place.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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