Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
Why did my mother make you get naked?
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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