i already hear my dad disowning me
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
