shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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