my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Randomize
