We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
