he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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