you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Randomize
