oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
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